I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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