Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
