You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
