I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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