How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
