people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am naked and annoyed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
