He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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