I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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