i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
