she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Boobs are out for the taking
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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