ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize