He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
