I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
