You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
