remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
40s are totally the cure
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
