Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
