Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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