I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
