So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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