Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
