im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
