I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
