Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
