paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
