med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
