News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
