cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am one with the molecules
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
