I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
