I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
