just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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