dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
