he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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