White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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