My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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