i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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