So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize