he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
