Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize