so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
