The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think people are normalizing furries
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
