The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
