no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
