are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
