hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize