guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize