I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
