Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
