Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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