Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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