no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
