you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
