you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
