Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
