There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
