I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
