I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
