Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
