Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize