I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
