I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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