Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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