No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
