i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
