There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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