thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
