Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
