That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
